Firstly, you should never put a child in a Jiffy pop floating bubble.

Storm chaser, wife-swapper or would be actor be warned, launching (or pretending to launch) a very short person into the atmosphere, without a pilot and a free-colouring book is probably never going to end the way you’ve grandly imagined.  And to be clear, six year olds aren’t generally reliable at towing the party line, so you may want to rethink your communication strategy.

Contrary to the old adage any publicity is good publicity … there really is such a thing as bad publicity, and here’s what it looks like:

Bad publicity happens when:

1. Individuals are physically harmed
2. People feel fooled or taken advantage of
3. Resources are wasted
4. Lies are told
5. You are remembered not for your contributions but as an example of ‘what not to do’

Good publicity happens when:

1. Individuals are empowered with information
2. People feel enthusiastic about new possibilities and in control of their choices
3. Resources are maximized
4. Integrity of information is respected
5. You are remembered for positively impacting the quality of life of your audience

Good publicity, and by that we mean relevant, useful, strategic publicity intelligently; plays upon our curious nature while sharing a product message.

Good publicity doesn’t pander or try to trick its audience but rather invites us to join in on the ride.

Good publicity tells the truth.

Talk to us. We’ll get your words out, so you can bring business … in.

I’m quite certain the branding committee of the Vancouver 2010 Olympic team never saw this one coming.

If you haven’t yet heard, the stories burning up the VANOC media waves today include a VPD drug bust of over 100,000 ecstasy tablets … imprinted with the Olympic rings … and a bid by a condom company to begin producing a line of prophylactics (endorsed by America’s curling team) called … wait for it … Hurry Hard condoms.

If you’re a little like me and have a tendency to embrace the ridiculous, you may support my high praises for the marketing savvy criminal and the branding bravado of American entrepreneurs.   Let’s be honest, Olympic rings on pills, Hurry Hard condoms … clever.  And, albeit in a strange way, big kudos for the VANOC branding team.

Canadians have clearly seen the 2010 brand everywhere.  Those darn rings are on teddy bears, fleece vests, wool mittens, necklaces, socks and tote bags.  You can spend over $100 for Olympic swag or under $10 – either way you can get it and get it, quite literally on every street corner and even … on the side!

Regardless of how you get it, I think this crazy turn of events is an interesting opportunity for branding professionals.  Marketers are keenly aware street-level guerrilla marketing is a powerful, relatively affordable way to create ownership about a brand.  Getting people talking can be a great brand booster.  And, oh are we talking.

So, to the VANOC branding committee I say ‘job well done’ – imitation, after all, is the highest form of flattery.

For the full story, check out Jeff Lee’s column in the Vancouver Sun.

Talk to us. We’ll get your words out, so you can bring business … in.

Calgarians pride themselves on being independent thinkers.

Calgarians search out original ideas and first-of-its kind solutions.

Calgarians don’t follow old roads, but forge new roads … through snow, over ice, under ground and across borders.

Calgarians build community. They volunteer. They shop locally.

Calgarians survive economic, climactic and political storms.

Calgarians love Calgary.

Calgarians support Calgary.

Calgarians know Calgary.

But, according the Calgary Herald (Gwendolyn Richards & Deborah Tetley, Oct. 19, 2009), the City of Calgary doesn’t think Calgary agencies understand this city enough to merit the municipal rebrand; so have opted instead to awarded a $300,000 branding contract to a California-based advertising agency.

Maybe Calgarians just don’t ‘get’ Calgary? But, will Calgarians ‘get’ California’s vision of Calgary? Will Calgarians even consider California’s creative adaptation of Calgary?

Effective branding is infinity more than brushing out a logo and ripping out a tag line. Impactful branding encourages personal connection, incites pride of ownership and associates ‘feel good’ attributes to its place in our lives.

Brands reflect how a company does business, how they treat employees and consumers and how they conduct their transactions. Are they fair? Transparent? Bold? Are people happy? Do they want to hitch their horse to that post? Are they proud to play on the same team?

In the case of Calgary’s rebrand the answer isn’t clear yet.

Can a brand that hasn’t even been created already be doomed to fail? Is it possible that branding begins, in the collective mind before pen even gets to paper? Does a brand actually begin existing the moment individuals ‘feel’ any emotion towards it?

We think it does.

We believe branding begins the moment a desire to take a product ‘public’ is verbalized. This means whoever communicates any information about the brand becomes the brand and represents the value of the brand. And, with that move into the public domain, the brand is exposed and therefore will experience reaction.

And what a reaction the City of Calgary received to Californicating its brand.

Calgarians are puzzled. Calgarians are insulted. Calgarians feel a bit betrayed. And, Calgarians are now skeptical.

Talk to us. We’ll get your words out, so you can bring business … in.

We think repatriating written copy, publically shared opinions or creative conversations without fully crediting the source of information is dishonest, distasteful and worst of all … unimaginative.

We know the sheer amount of information on the World Wide Web makes sourcing information a breeze.

We understand the relative anonymity of ‘borrowing’ content with little fear of any author even knowing if you’ve profiled their prose is deliciously tempting.

We realize the moment we writers, espousers, opiners and orators decide to share our thoughts that our information becomes public domain.

But…

We just want to be acknowledged.

We need to be recognized.

We demand to see our name next to our information.

And really …

The inclusion of additional sources supports your credibility as a well-connected, well-researched, and well-meaning expert.

These bylinable byproducts demonstrate your savvy commitment to respecting your colleagues, their contributions and your collaborative constitution.

Be brave, be bold, be honest.  Give credit where credit is due.

Talk to us. We’ll get your words out, so you can bring business … in.

When my date showed up with a bottle of olive oil brought from his family’s farm in Greece, I thought he was quirky and romantic.

When I asked him if he wanted me to leave because he kept looking at the big screen TV and he said “no, I’m just nervous”, I gave him a second chance.

When he stopped the waitress for a handful of quarters to play Buck Hunter, I thought I’d better get the helmet and mouth guard warmed up.

When he unabashedly told me he lived in his parent’s house but there was a bed in the basement, I surrendered all hope.

When he leaned across the table and suggested at my age I should “consider freezing my eggs”, I threw up a little.

When he capitalized on my silence as mistaken consideration to ‘egg freezing’ and assaulted my throat with his tongue (while leaning across the sushi boat), I cursed my aging uterus.

When he threw me against the outside wall of the sushi joint and dry humped me, only ceasing the vile display of pre-pubescent sabotage with a moan, yes, a moan, I prayed for the sweet release of death.

When I dropped him back at his vehicle and he lunged across the cup holder towards my breast; I lost a little of my dignity.

When this gets published, I get it back.

Me:  Good morning X, how are you?

X (who shall now be called Grumpy Pants or GP):  Fine

ME:   … insert awkward pause as I wait for a chipper, and anticipated ‘how are you’.

GP: ... silently planning my death … is no longer talking at all

Me:  Okay mofo, game on. ‘I’m bringing my vehicle in this afternoon for a 70KM service.  How long will it take?’

Grumpy Pants:  I don’t know

Me:  You don’t know?

GP:  No

Me:  What do you think?

GP:  Depends

Me:  On what?

GP:  How busy the shop is

Me: Are you at the shop?

GP: ... has now put me on hold and is waving her middle finger madly at the phone …

Me:  Can you find out?

GP:  You’ll have to talk to a technician

Me:  Can you put me through?

GP:  No, but I’ll give you the number

Me:  You are a douche bag ( I didn’t really say this but I wanted to).

So, here’s my mouth open slightly, head-tilted to the right, eyes-wide open inner thoughts:

… Seriously?  You don’t know how long your job takes.  Seriously?  This is customer service?  Seriously?